What Not To Do

Alright, so, because a good friend got engaged this past weekend, my mind buzzes along with things she's just gotta know. And since I've learned that people DO actually read this blog (please leave comments so I know!) I figure somebody out there might be interested in hearing me blather on. I've been engaged for a really long time (very close to too long), so I've seen my share of magazines, blogs, wedding shows, and bridal fairs. I've talked to many brides, and many people in the bridal business. Today's list is "What NOT To Do." Observe:

1. Do not plan anything (I mean that) without having planned a location and a date first. This is critical. This is the backbone of your wedding. You can do this in one of two ways. The first, is to choose your exact date and then find something that is available. The earlier you do this, the more availability there will be. The second way is to pick a place you adore and then choose a date they have available. Pick your priority, but you can't get around this truth. I once ran into a bride who was buying her gown. She had no idea where the wedding would be, or even when. Believe it or not, clothes – even wedding gowns – are seasonal. It is prudent to know when your wedding will be and what the vague style of it will be before you purchase anything.
2. Don't buy anything you don't love. Weddings are expensive, no doubt. But there's this funny thing that happens. You may find something on sale that could be useful, so you buy it. Then you find something you like better. Shop around as you need to, buy what you love, and cherish it. 
   
3. Don't ever look at a wedding magazine and think you'll be able to find that same idea later on. You will have stacks of magazines. More than you will ever buy, because people will give you theirs. If you like it, flag it with a sticky note or tear it out and put it in a folder.
4. Don't be nasty to your friends. I'm horrified by how many people wear the term "Bridezilla" like it's a badge of honour. It's not nice, it's not right, and you'll end up with no friends. Presumably you've chosen your bridesmaids because you have a good relationship with them, and you want that to continue. I know of a bride whose gals all left the wedding as soon as they could and didn't talk to her for a good 6 months post. Think about that... your first year of marriage with no friends? Bad plan.
5. Don't think you have to do everything yourself. You can hire people, you can ask people (nicely), and you can even let some things go. Just because your sister's-hairdresser's-babysitter made her invitations for 450 people and still had time to monogram sugar cubes, doesn't mean you have to.
6. Don't make your registry too early. People might tell you to, and it might even seem logical and helpful to them. But it will be a pain in the butt when you have to go in frequently to change discontinued items.
7. Don't ignore your groom. He asked you to marry him because he loves you. Everybody knows that weddings are busy and sometimes stressful, but with the average engagement length of 17 months, you really can't afford to lose date nights and time to connect. Your goal is to come out of this all with a husband... make sure he's still with you along the way.
8. Don't change who you are. You want to lose a few pounds or tone up your arms? Fine. You want to eat cabbage soup for a month only to put all the weight back on the minute you look at the buffet on your all-inclusive honeymoon? No. Order a dress that fits you, that reflects who you are, and that you feel wonderful in. Otherwise, your kids won't know who's standing beside their dad in all those photos...
9. Don't lose who you are, either. I've seen brides give up every interest and hobby in the time it takes to plan a wedding. You may want to put aside needlepoint to learn calligraphy (yeah hi, me right here), and that's fine. But read a book now and then, not just magazines, and stay on top of the things that define you. If you don't, two things will happen. You'll become a complete bore and you won't know what to do with yourself after the wedding. Nobody needs post-wedding-depression because they don't know how to fill their time.
10. Related to the above, don't talk about the wedding non-stop. I love the blog because people who want to hear what I have to say, can. Of course you're excited, and people are happy for you. But life goes on for them, and most people are happier if you're part of that.

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